Arbitrary Points are probably Pointless

First of all, I am sorry I have posted so sporadically lately. I've been in a weird funk, and I've pretty much only been focusing on work and watching Community. I've stopped reading Eldest, I've let my Hulu queue get backed up, and I haven't even been on this page in at least a week. I would like to say that I haven't been able to come up with very good material lately and would rather have quality than quantity, but really that's only a fraction of the reason. It's mostly the funk, which I can't explain because I don't know why I'm in it or how long it's going to last. Hopefully until I'm caught up with Community (just two more episodes before I'm ready for season 3.5!!) but I don't honestly know.

Anyway, while I felt I owed you an apology, that was not really the point of this post. I recently bought an iPod Touch and have been geeking out over all of the apps I can now use. Two of my favorites are 4square and GetGlue. They're total StalkerApps - you use 4square to check-in to the places you currently are (ie home, work, Walmart) and GetGlue is for checking into what you are currently watching/reading/listening to (ie Community, Eldest, The Nerdist) - but the more you check-in, the more points you earn. And the more points you earn, the more useless rewards you get! In 4square, you are competing against your friends to get to the top of the "Leaderboard" and each check-in is given a certain amount of point worth, based on how often you've been there, whether it's your first time, whether you're the first of your friends, et cetera. In GetGlue, you are attempting to earn stickers. There is a chain of stickers based on how many times you've checked into a single item (I am currently a "Superfan" - 15 check-ins - of Community) or whether there is a special episode of a show airing when you check-in to said show (I have a Limited Release Once Upon A Time sticker) and so on. It's incredibly addictive, even though they're super creepy and completely useless. Most of the time, it's really annoying to have notifications pop up because one of my friends just got home, or is watching Phineas and Ferb (Pedro, I'm totally calling you out on that one) but for some reason I can't stop and MUST BE THE TOP OF THE LEADERBOARD, WITH THE MOST STICKERS.

Is this a probably-bad-and-indicative-of-something quirk of mine, or is it some kind of weird Nerd personality trait? Does anyone else feel that compulsion to be the best at pointless iPhone/iPod/iPad apps?

Who the f*** am I??

I am under no delusion that this will be the last time I write a post like this; I am constantly trying to figure out who I am, and who I want to be. It seems like every time I think I have it figured out it is incomplete, or even (at times) flat out wrong. Here's what I know right now:

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1) I am incredibly nerdy; I love sci fi, and especially fantasy. I enjoy comic books, though my knowledge in this area is sadly lacking (though I am attempting to improve, even though I have approximately 14 years to catch up on).
B) I love the concepts of YouTube channels and podcasts, and want to figure out what talents/knowledge I have of value that I could share in one of these mediums. I've already experimented in YouTubing (you can find my channel at youtube.com/FanGirlNerd, but I haven't updated in a couple months, so it's not very interesting right now) and I want to figure out how to podcast with the limited equipment and budget I have at my disposal.
iii) I am interested in the film/tv industry, but don't want to deal with the studio politics, so am planning on doing it as a hobby/creating my own production company with my best friend. We currently have a webseries in the planning stage (you will definitely be hearing more on that starting this summer/fall, once I get back to Georgia) and I have ideas for more.

d) I am proud of my Southern United States upbringing (I'm a Georgia Peach and a proud G.R.I.T.S., y'all!) but will be going to the British Isles as soon as I can, and wish it was easier for an American to move over there. Since that is so difficult, I really am contemplating moving to Canada. I know, I know, that's just something Americans say when we're unhappy with how this country is going, but I really am getting so discouraged by our government and society (though, society does seem to be moving slowly up and getting mildly smarter) that I almost can't stand associating myself with them anymore.

V) Since high school, when I questioned my Christianity and eventually left the faith, I have not considered myself a religious person; I preferred to think of myself as spiritual. But I recently (as in, within the past week) realized that I'm not so much against religion as I am dogmatic religion. What I mean by that is, I strongly believe in a person's right to make his or her own choices in all aspects of his or her life (as long as s/he doesn't hurt anybody else), so I can't support a religion that has very specific and detailed instructions on how and when to worship the chosen deity. To me, worship is incredibly personal and private, and I can't believe that the higher power cares whether or not I'm with other worshipers (I won't go into the other issues I have with Christianity, since that's not what this post is about, and I don't want to upset or offend anybody - like I said, I'm all for you choosing to be Christian for yourself, just don't force me to be one). So, I am currently on a personal journey to find what makes me spiritually whole and complete.

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I'm sure there is more, but I don't feel like coming up with anymore, and you guys probably don't want to deal with a much longer list than that. What I'm getting at, though, is all five of those are pretty generic, vague aspects of my personality. They don't tell me what I want to do for a living, they don't give me a roadmap to the next twenty years, and they only partially tell me who I am. It doesn't help that I feel like my life is on pause while I'm in Arkansas; this job doesn't feel like a first step, but rather a detour. I am trying to enjoy it while I'm here, because I am incredibly fortunate and I have some great people in my life right now, but part of me is glad that I only have approximately five months until I am back in Georgia and moving my life forward (though, forward to where I don't know).

I do have plans for at least the next year, which will hopefully flourish into the next few years, and am excited to start the projects that I am planning right now. And don't worry; I will most likely bring you guys along with me as I grow and explore who I want to be when I grow up, since I want to use this blog as a way to document my process of becoming whoever the hell I'm going to become - hence the name, Trials of a Fan Girl. :D

Feedback?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while - work is a little crazy. But I was serious in my last post - I want some feedback from you guys! What sparks your interest? What's your favorite topic? If I don't know anything about it, I will look it up, and then I will be better informed, and maybe we can have a shared love of something! So comment on either this post or the last one (Long Overdue) and give me some feedback!!

Long Overdue

Wow, I haven't posted in a while. Sorry about that! My apartment lost internet for a few days, and then I had a busy weekend at work, so I took a day trip out of the city today (Monday). I should actually be going to sleep so that I'm ready for work tomorrow, but I felt bad that I hadn't posted since Wednesday.

Anyway, Pedro introduced me to a new store today, Hastings. I don't know how popular it is (in other words, I have no idea how late to the game I am), but I am going to have to find a reason to make the 45 minute trip more often; it was a bookstore, a comic book store, a dvd store, and a music store ALL IN ONE. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Absolutely fantastic - I have definitely found a new favorite store of all time. Then, once Pedro and I had gotten back from the day trip, our group decided to go to dinner and a movie. When we finished dinner, we still had about an hour and a half to kill before Haywire started, so Kris, Pedro, Pedro's roommate Spence and I decided to go to Target. WHERE I FOUND $9 BOBBLEHEADS!!!

I am so excited - this one will be living on the windowsill in my room. I think I have developed a problem, because I definitely plan on collecting many more - they are just too stinkin' cute!

After Target we went to see Haywire. It was a very entertaining movie, and I enjoyed it very much, but it is definitely an action movie (read: awesome action scenes, so-so story). The entire premise seemed to be, "Let's get as many stars together as we can, and then have them beat the shit out of each other!" but the fight scenes did not disappoint. As my roommate Liz said, it was "an interesting movie filled with badassery" - I walked out of the theater wishing I could be the lead character, Mallory, because she could hold her own, your own, plus your next door neighbor's own and still be able to punch you in the kidneys. Plus, Antonio Banderas, Ewan MacGregor, Channing Tatum and Michael Fassbender are just ATTRACTIVE. There is no way around it (those who also made appearances: Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton, and the kid from Sky High...Michael Angarano?).

So, I'm trying something new for my next post: is there anything you would like to see me talk about? Leave a comment and let me know what you want to read!

Stop SOPA

CLICK HERE!!! ---->   Write to Congress   <---- CLICK HERE!!!

Bettering Myself as a Nerd

I am so excited, I have to tell you guys what I just bought at Barnes & Noble! First, though, I have to confess something. As devoted as I am to the Marvel movies (May 4th, baby!! So stoked!) I have not read very many of the comic books, and none of the originals. I get all of my comic knowledge from my cousin and brother, both of whom have PLENTY to spare. I have always thought of this as something that needed to be fixed,  but never had a very good opportunity to do so. (Side Note: if anyone finds/has the Marvel Civil War comics, I would love you forever if you somehow got them to me!)
So, with this in mind, I am very excited to announce that I have discovered the Marvel Masterworks collections, and I happened to wander upon them at a time when I had excess Christmas money! Though they are not original printings, I now own the first ten issues of X-Men!!! I am so excited to start reading these, I don't think you can even understand.

Now for my second very exciting purchase of the evening, which also has a story behind it. Leading up to Christmas, a group of people at work participated in Secret Santa. Pedro was part of this, and one day his Secret Santa gave him a Thor bobble-head. It. was. awesome. He has since collected The Incredible Hulk, Captain America and Iron Man to complete his Avengers set (honestly, I'm fairly jealous. I want these so bad!)
Meanwhile, in my apartment, we have a small shelf above the kitchen sink, built with the intention of holding paper towels. However, one of my roommates (let's call her Kris) is too short to reach this shelf, so it mostly just sits empty. Sometime last week, Kris and I decided that we needed a knickknack to put on that shelf so that we had some decoration, and it was no longer empty. We decided we wanted a bobble-head, but didn't know which franchise we wanted, or which character we wanted.
And now I come to my story. (Have you picked up on where I'm going with this yet?) While at B&N, I found STAR WARS BOBBLE-HEADS!! They had Yoda, Chewbacca, and Leia (Darth Vader, Luke, Obi-Wan, C-3PO, Greedo, Bobba Fett, Darth Maul, Storm Trooper and Gamorrean Guard are also available). And though Yoda was very adorable (he will be my second addition to this collection) and Chewie will be the third purchase, for the first one I had to buy Leia! She is now on display in our kitchen, above the sink. It makes me very very happy.

Money, Money, Money (or lack thereof)

Why doesn't being a Nerdy FanGirl pay? Ok, correction, it can (i.e. Felicia Day, Chris Hardwick, etc). But what I want to do is not something for which I can simply send in a job application. YouTube will pay you - Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike) and Alex Day (nerimon) just bought a house from their earnings - but you have to have a certain, very high, number of subscribers. Blogging can pay you, but only if you put Google AdSense (or some equivalent) on your site. Web series don't pay you.
And I made the very dumb decision to go to a private university. Now, don't misunderstand me. I do not regret college in anyway. Though I am not proud of every moment, and sometimes wish I had made a few choices differently, I don't actually regret anything. Those four years have shaped who I am, and made me more confident and sure of myself as a person. I just wish I had gone to the public school attached to the theatre department instead of the private university. Nothing would have been different, except that I would have MUCH SMALLER student loans.
So, the predicament I find myself in now is paying off very large student loans on very small paychecks. Fortunately, I believe I can defer payment until this internship is over, and I get settled in Georgia. But even there, I will be making as much or less than what I make right now. And I will have to pay rent there, which I don't here (housing is included in my contract).
The point I'm trying to make is that I will be stuck working jobs that I do not necessarily want to have a future in - in other words, they're not what I want to do with my life - because what I do want to have a future in does not pay me yet. And I have some very real, very depressing, obligations coming due.

Growing up sucks.